What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize