people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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