I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
