You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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