Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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