I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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