If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
