Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
