True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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