areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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