Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
