Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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