ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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