it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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