i barfeds in our rink
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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