i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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