Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
