my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
