Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just come out here and I will go home with you...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
