I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
