Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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