I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there's paper in my vomit.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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