The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
