margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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