wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
