I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the day after is always just damage control
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
