I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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