If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
kristin has been a bad kristin
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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