Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i will never coherently bang her
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
