my mouth tastes like poor choices
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
