Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
