I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
