i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
