Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
