I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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