Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
