The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
