Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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