he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
