I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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