dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
