I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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