which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
