alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize