Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
