I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
