I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
