im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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