You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
