After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
