So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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