I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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