Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
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so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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