running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
