It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
