Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
