This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
