DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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