I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
cat food counts as protein by the way
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
