The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
