It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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