I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize