so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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