Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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