I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
