mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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