Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
