i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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