Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
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