i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
